Ways to piss off an author

This was posted awhile ago over on the group blog that I'm a member of -- The Magic District. Diana Rowland -- awesome lady and author of Mark of the Demon and the just released Blood of the Demon -- covered three things that are virtually guaranteed to piss off an author. All I can say to Diana's post is AMEN!

On to the post:

I'm fortunate enough to be on a couple of email loops or private groups with a number of published authors -- some with extensive credentials and years of experience. This is terrific for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the chance to learn from authors with decades of experience in the industry.

But sometimes the best aspect of the email loop is the chance to vent, complain, bitch or just plain whine. As an author, it's often considered bad form or uncool to make any sort of complaint or negative commentary about certain aspects of the business. Make one comment about the stress of meeting deadlines, and it's guaranteed that some aspiring author will come back with something on the order of, "I wish I had your problems! At least you have deadlines!" And, sure, yes, many of the problems or issues we have are great to have since it shows we have contracts/deadlines/editors etc. But, damn, sometimes it really does feel just like any other job, and it's frustrating to not be able to vent, complain, whine, etc. Even if only for a few minutes.

But today I'll share a few of the tidbits (anonymized and generalized) that can piss an author off. (Note: these are not necessarily MY rants or vents, but they're ones that I hear quite a bit.)

Early releases.

Let's say that your book is scheduled for release on June 1. Now, if you're a BIG NAME author, it's most likely that you'll have something called a "hard" release. What this means is that the release date of June 1 is firm, and booksellers are NOT allowed to sell it before that date, or they'll suffer all sorts of dire consequences. (Don't ask me what the dire consequences are. I have no idea. But they must be dire for the booksellers to abide by the whole thing.) The reason for this is that the publishers of BIG NAME AUTHOR want as many as possible of the sales of HOTLY ANTICIPATED BOOK to fall in the first week of its release, because the bestseller lists look at the sales one week at a time. If a book sells 10,000 copies in a week, it's more likely to hit a bestseller list than if it sold 20,000 copies spread out over many weeks.

However, unless you're a BIG NAME AUTHOR, you'll most likely have a soft release, which means that there are no dire consequences for early sales, and thus the booksellers will usually put the books out on the shelves as soon as they get them in. If this happens a few days before the scheduled release, it's not the end of the world. But, if this happens more than a week before the release date, this can often kill an author's chances of hitting a list, since the sales will be spread out over a couple of weeks. I've been lucky so far in that my books seldom hit the shelves more than a couple of days before the release date, but right now I know of a couple of authors who are having FITS because their books are being shelved more than two weeks before the release. What can be done about this? Not a whole lot, unfortunately. But, as with anything else, venting to understanding ears helps a little.

The Fan Who Loves Your Characters. Too Much.

(Yeah, we're getting into Misery territory here!) Best way to piss an author off (and end up in their killfile) is to argue with them about the direction the plot is going, or the actions and motivations of their characters. Trust me, NO ONE knows the characters better than the author. It's one thing to write a review and point out flaws in plot/pacing/characterization or whatever, but writing an author and saying, "(character) would NOT have fought (bad guy). She’s not that sort of girl!" is a great way to earn the wrath of an author. Most authors I know create extensive character profiles for their major characters, including backstory, hopes, fears, desires, and all sorts of good things that will never actually make it into the book, except in the way the character acts and reacts to events as they happen. Again, it's very possible that the author slipped up and didn't write a scene to make the characters actions believable, but, as much as you might love an author's characters, trust me -- no one knows them better than the author!

The "ebooks should be free because there's no associated cost" argument.

Holy crapsoly, but this one makes me grit my teeth. Yes, there's no printing or distribution cost, but that accounts for about a dollar of the final price. The rest of the price of the book goes toward silly stuff such as paying the author, paying the editor, paying the copyeditor, paying the marketing/publicity/sales departments. Oh, and the bookseller usually wants a cut -- whether it's Amazon, or Fictionwise, or Barnes & Noble. I'm not going to get into an argument here about what the specific pricing of ebooks needs to be, but just know that there IS a cost in producing them.

Anyway, my point (I think I had one, LOL) is that yes, being an author is pretty damn wonderful, and yes, there are many people who would kill to be in our shoes, but just like any other job, there will always be things that drive you crazy.

It's still the coolest job I've ever had. And I'm very glad I have a few places to vent on those rare occasions when it's less than completely cool.